Soul mates is an interesting concept. One day about ten years ago my son had just broken up with a girlfriend. He said, "Mom, I thought we were soul mates." I told him, "just because you're soul mates doesn't mean you're going to spend a whole lifetime together." Then I told him about the situation I experienced, and why I wasn't with the person I believed to be my soul mate. Zach asked, "doesn't that make you mad?" I said "No." And he wanted to know why I wasn't mad. I had to think about that for awhile.
Along with this person being the love of my life, my soul mate, and a very special person to me, he was also someone I have always considered to be a life long friend. I felt the circumstances that separated us were things neither of us had chosen. But it took a while for me to figure out why I wasn't angry about the circumstances.
I thought about it for a couple of years. One of my jobs when I left the law office temporarily was with the post office, working at the remote encoding center. It was a night job. Sometimes I would drive across town at 4 a.m. with silent, empty streets.
During that time I would often think about the Soul Mate. Particularly because we were still connected. If I close my eyes I can see a bright white line going from me, up into the sky, and back down where he is. That connection has always been visible to me. I've always known where this person was. I've often spoken to this person without the benefit of the telephone, and not being together, and they are as close to me as if we had spent our lives together.
One night I remember in particular driving home. I can still remember precisely where I was when the answer came to me.
I wasn't angry about the situation because I was blessed with the knowledge this person has always loved me. How do I know this? We haven't seen one another for many years. But we have had occasional telephone conversations. I could always hear the love in his voice. Well, almost always. I realized that there were times when it wasn't there, and I determined that when that occasion arose, it was because he wasn't alone at the time we were talking. I think the lack of the love in his voice was when I really realized that I got a special voice when he spoke to me alone.
The Soul Mate has been in another relationship for many years. I don't resent that relationship. I respect that relationship, and I respect my Soul Mate for respecting that relationship. I don't want to interfere with that relationship. I don't need to do so. I am happy and content with things as they are.
Does this mean I wouldn't wish for things to be different? No. I do wish things were different. But I cannot resent the children that came from that relationship. After all, for reasons perceived by only us, those children were wishes that did come true. I cannot resent my child. I am blessed to have experienced such a child. Perhaps God had a Grand Plan that worked things out this way. Perhaps God's Plan is not finished. Perhaps the best is yet to come.
One evening I was reading a book. The characters in the book had a relationship much like the one between us. They had been separated for a very long time. The line was "I loved you then, I love you now, and I have loved you every day in-between." I said to myself, "I wish I could hear [my soul mate] saying that to me." And I did. Right that very minute, I heard his loving voice, saying that very thing. It frightened me! I thought he'd crossed over and I didn't know about it! Very soon after that I confirmed that he was, indeed, still alive and kicking!
I'm happy and content with this life. But that doesn't keep me from wishing for us to be together again somewhere down the road. When two people make the same wish it almost always comes true.
No comments:
Post a Comment