Friday, May 16, 2008

Retiring, not retiring, and other non-related things

I tried to retire a couple of years ago.  It seemed practical since I could collect social security and be home and not worry about things.  It got very boring, very fast.  You can only do so many New York Times Crossword Puzzles with a pen before the challenge is gone.  I found I had lots of time to write, but something was missing.  Interaction with people where I get my ideas for characters was one of the things that was missing.  The characters I write are a combination of many people I've met. 

The cat was getting tired of me waking him up every three minutes.  So he started waking me up throughout the night to tell me when a car drove by or a raccoon climbed a tree in the back yard.  Or even when a mouse ventured out to steal his food.  His method of awakening me was to run at the side of my bed and then violently bounce off the side of it continuously until I woke up.   I finally went out and purchased a baby gate to keep him out of my bedroom.  I hate to sleep with the bedroom door shut. 

I volunteered to be the primary plaintiff in a bunch of class action suits I was eligible for, and that took up some time and gave me interesting research to read.  But then I was really bored and wanting more information.  I relate to that robot who was learning to think and kept demanding more "input".  

Don't you just love the internet and all of the things you can learn?  But sometimes, if you're retired it just gets silly.  I'd watch Jeopardy and if there was something I didn't know I'd write it down, Google it, and then read up on it until I did.  Then people who were playing Trivia with me made me count to ten before I was allowed to answer.  Sometimes they'd look at me for the answer and I'd count to ten just to irritate them.  I am not usually a mean person, so I decided I needed to be busier. 

Then my last boss called me to do some more work, and I jumped at the chance.  I do contract work as a paralegal doing research and document preparation, and I also do work for others organizing their bookkeeping and so forth.    I love doing legal research.  Sometimes I get side-tracked though and take off in directions I didn't mean to go.  In other words, sometimes I learn more than anybody really wants to know about a subject and that can get boring for others.  Sometimes I get very excited about it, and there's no one to tell!  

I've been known to call up the class action lawyers in Chicago and tell them of new research I've discovered.  I'd like to get them to do a Class Action suit against credit card companies for unconscionable contract.  I no longer carry credit cards.  I haven't used any kind of credit (except my house mortgage) since 1997, and I haven't bought a car on credit since the early 80's.   My credit rating is probably the pits but what does it matter if I don't buy anything on credit? 

Enough for now, I've got some work to do.   Love and kisses.  Jana

Sunday, May 4, 2008

The rules for loving

You know that country song, the words 'if you can't be with the one you love, you love the one you're with'...I always hated that concept.  Then I realized its pretty much how I lived the years from 1963 thru 1989.    I have come to realize there's nothing wrong with loving two people at the same time.  Then I decided I didn't need to waste my time any more and just went on loving the one I wasn't with.   But I do understand at the same time, it is possible to love two people at the same time. 

I'm not saying it's the same kind of love, but it is having respect for the feelings of another, trying to lead them in the direction of finding their own happiness, and appreciating the things they added to your life.  You have to appreciate the things you shared and the value the other person added to your life.  Even when you are no longer with the other person you have to acknowledge the value they added to your life, and the things you learned from that relationship.  

All in all, I now believe things have worked out exactly the way they were supposed to work out.  We were supposed to be with the people we were with at the time we were with them.  We weren't supposed to be with them when we weren't.  I believe our souls planned the whole thing, and even the souls of those we spent time with who didn't turn out to be the loves of our lives were planned to be in our lives at the times they were.   We had things to accomplish and we had to do certain things on our own.  I wouldn't be the person I am today without all of the people who touched my life in the past.  

I don't resent the events that happened in my life, though I wish I'd remembered some things I've always known.  I wish I'd remembered always I'm in charge of how I feel about things.  I wish I'd remembered I'm not responsible for how anyone else feels about me, I'm only responsible about how I feel about them.  I wish I'd acknowledged I was loved all those years I believed I was merely lost.  I wish I'd understood the words that were said to me.  I'm glad I remembered those words and have come to understand them now. 

I wouldn't change a thing that's happened in the past.  It was all a part of the growth of my soul.  I'm excited about the future and what it will bring.  No matter how things turn out, I will always know I'm loved, and whether I'm with the one I love on this side, or when we both arrive on the Other Side matters not.  It would be cool to spend more time together on this side, but the one thing I understand is Forever is a wonderfully long time to be loved.